With due apologies to Dave Eggers, whose novel based upon ‘Wild Things’ will probably be read by some people… please find a possible synopsis for the forthcoming Jin Akanishi film-vehicle “BANDAGE” (it is like BANDAGE and BAND, AGE, do you see…. er…. not really…).

BANDAGE is about the confusions of a boy, Akanishi Jin, making his way in a world of rock and roll he can’t control. it’s the early 90s, and everyone in the big city looks like Johnny Dean out of Menswe@r. Akanishi forms a band to cope, but friendships and musical talents are tested by the drummer who will only listen to Shine compilations. When the band’s manager becomes obsessed with Tiny from Ultrasound, Akanishi begins to feel inferior. Despite a regime of comfort eating, he’s not sure if they, (or indeed, he), will ever make it big. His sister is becoming a teenager and only listens to Dr. Alban. During a fight over romos v. Heavy Stereo, Akanishi changes the name of the band to LANDS, and sets out for the open road, destination unknown…

I apologise, again to Dave, and to poor readers who don’t even know who Ultrasound are, and have no need to know. Sorry.

Ah but come on, it’s exciting isn’t it, Jin Akanishi! In a big screen movie! Out in January! It’ll be like Espresso Bongo! Imagine, a performing artist, recruited into an exploitative contract? Ah, it could never happen…